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April 14th, 2009
Little children are fearless. They are forever teetering towards precarious places, and we are forever scrambling after them! I used to dread going anywhere with my two little ones… as soon as they were loose, it was a dead run through busy parking lots, them giggling hysterically all the way with me screaming after them. I guess I did the same to my poor mama, even worse. She had to keep me on a leash as I knew no bounds. She let me free once on the beach when I was 3, thinking the crashing ocean would keep me in check and I would wade in just so far and stop. Nope. She had to run after me and grab me just before I disappeared under the waves.
But today? I can’t put my head under water, or even shower and allow the water to cover my face, it fills me with such panic. We see it in most of us, as we grow up, fears and mistrust accompany us, in one way or another. Perhaps we absorb them from those around us, or learn them through our own experiences. Many of them are quite helpful… After all, if we go under the waves when we can’t swim, or walk off the edge of a cliff when we can’t fly, we will likely get hurt, and maybe die.
As we grow up, we put our faith and trust in our parents, in our friends, in those creatures around us… but gradually learn they cannot always be relied upon. They often say one thing, and do another. This is promised, and then it is taken away. Often, those who should help us, strike us instead, and steal from us, and so we become mistrusting, cynical, even bitter, and we lose that precious, innocent trust we were born with.
It is all because we put our trust where it doesn’t belong… there is only one bank which can contain it, where it cannot be stolen or lost. We must put our trust in God alone! We must return to this childlike state of innocent trust, if we will find happiness and contentment in this life, and the next. All of those things that overwhelm us with anxiety, worry us to death… we must stop looking at them, and look at Our Heavenly Father, who loves us so much!
Every morning as I drink my coffee, I look out the window at the birds eating at the feeder. They are always so bright and full of song and joy, no matter the weather. They are like little acts of Faith, Hope and Love in motion. I cannot help but think of Our Lord’s words regarding them, the birds of the air… and how if He loves them so much, and cares for every feather with infinite tenderness… how much more does He love us, His children? He knows of every care we have, and is there, looking after us… we have only to look back with eyes of trust, and we will see Him there.
But how do we arrive there? Below is something written by a member of The Brothers and Sisters of Penance of St. Francis, which has helped me very much in my journey to return there, and which I will share with you now. It seems a good time for this, as we have just been through the trials of Lent, and the deep despair of the Passion, followed by the glorious and triumphant Resurrection! Now is the season to grow in trust.
In the Storms of Life We Must Immerse Ourselves in the Ocean of Trust
July 2007
Recently, the cares of family, of business, of life in general, overwhelmed me to a point I could barely walk. Exhausted, I went to Our Lord in Adoration and asked of Him strength and light. In this meditation, I understood the following, which I share with you, as I think it applies to all of us.
I am as one who lives upon the surface of the ocean. Every wave that comes along is felt, and tosses me from side to side. I am constantly fighting the current, the tide, trying to stay on course. This constant struggle saps my strength. When a ship passes by, or the winds blow, the large waves nearly capsize me. Already weakened, every ounce of strength is applied to the oars, to keep my small boat upright. When a storm blows up, I am finished. My boat overturns, and flailing with what little strength is left, my head goes under the waves.
It is here the meditation took an unexpected turn. I would have thought Our Lord would suggest that I leave my small, independent craft, and board the sturdy Bark of Peter, or perhaps leave the ocean entirely, and make for the security of land.
Instead, I was told that if I were to find the necessary strength for the storms of life, I must enter into the depths of the ocean. Surprised, I asked Our Lord how can this be? I would drown! Yes, I would indeed drown if I were to continue relying upon my own means and methods, but then, wasn't I capsizing anyway? Realizing I had nothing to lose, we continued on.
Within the deepest depths of the ocean, all is still and calm. There may even be a hurricane upon the surface, leaving disaster in its wake upon both sea and land, but not even a ripple is felt below. "How does one arrive there?" I ask. "By Trust" is the reply. One cannot be immersed so deeply on one's own without being crushed, or lost in the dark, or frozen by the cold. One can only arrive there through Trust in Him, in Jesus.
"I will give you My lungs, My breath, so you can breathe, and will not drown. I will give you My Body, so that you will be encased within Me, and the sea will not crush you. I will be your Light, your eyes, so that you can see in the darkness that will surround you. I will enclose you within the depths of my Sacred Heart, so that the Fire of My Love will warm you. Do you see? All has been taken care of. But you must come to Me in Trust, or you cannot dwell here, as it is a place found only through Trust."
"Lord, I do not understand how it is I can live there with You, while I am called to live in the world, which is upon the surface. My family is there, my work is there. Do you want me to leave them?"
"Don't leave Me to go to them, bring them to Me. You do this when you do not get upset by the ripples, even the storms of life, the cares and turmoil that one encounters upon the surface. When you Trust in Me, you live within My depths always."
Immersed in Trust Meditation Part II
October 2007
Attempting to follow Our Lord's advice, to come to Him in the depths of the Ocean, and immerse myself in Him, yet despite my best efforts continuing to flail upon the surface… I called upon Him to help me. In an effort to draw Our Lord's attention I denied myself a great comfort, and asked Him to please accept this sacrifice and grant me that Trust which would enable me to rest in Him alone. It was First Friday, and immediately upon receiving Him in Holy Communion, I begged of Him this favor:
"Lord, I want to come to You in Trust, but how does this happen? Will this act of Trust lead me there? How do I come to You by Trust? You say not to be upset, and I try not to be, but I am still overwhelmed and exhausted. I do not understand how to do this. How is it I do not trust in You?" He replied:
"Go to My Mother, She is the Sea into which you must plunge. Ask Her to lead you to Me. Ask My Mother to give you Her Trust."
As I reflected upon this mystery, an understanding grew and I could see that in becoming the Mother of God, Our Lady became the womb, or the sea, in which Our Lord as an Infant was immersed. That this miracle came about through Her act of complete trust. The impossible becomes possible then!
I could see Our Lady in my imagination, as She prayed before the Annunciation. When the Angel Gabriel asked Her to be the Mother of God, She answered "How can this be, as I know not man?"
I turned to Our Lord then, and asked Him: "I know Our Mother cannot sin, yet how does She question, isn't this doubt?" He replied:
"This is prayer when the question is asked with humility and trust. When My Mother discerned My will, She asked no more and only offered Herself in perfect trust and union with My will. You must trust as My Mother trusts."
"Please Lord, I still don't understand. Tell Me what you mean. How do I not trust?"
"When you go into the world to do My work, you doubt. You are uncomfortable, you do not want to do it, or you think you are incapable, and you wish to find another to give it to. But I have given it to you, and I will help you with it, if you ask with the same humility and trust as My Mother. Your eyes must remain upon Me, upon My will, not upon the path or its difficulty. When you remove your gaze from Me, you are alone, and then you waver and your fear overcomes you. Go to My Mother. She will help you."
Now I go often throughout the day to Our Dear Mother, and ask Her to help me trust as She trusted. When I begin to drown within my fears, looking upon those difficulties which lie upon my path, She gently draws my gaze back to Her Son, and reminding me of His words, I catch my breath and we go on. As trust grows, so does my strength, which is no longer mine, but that of our Merciful Lord!
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