For years this soul prayed for her loved ones with little result.  Regardless of her tears, the sorrows of her family only seemed to increase with each passing year.  It would not be so bad if through these sorrows they were drawn closer to God, but rather it seemed the opposite.  As she prayed and reflected upon this, she began to weep, and falling upon her knees, she begged Him to have mercy upon her family. 

“Lord, how can you abandon them, when they have been abandoned by their Priests?  My family would not have left You, if Your Sons had remained true, but instead, so many have embraced error instead of Truth… my family was either so scandalized they left Your fold, or they too embraced the errors, and so the end result is the same… they left as well.  Dear Lord, why did You allow this?  So many souls are being lost as a result!  Good Jesus, this is a temptation few can withstand.  Have pity upon them and upon me, for I too have been lost most of my life. My Lord, what can I do so You will hear my prayer?  Teach me how to pray so that you will answer me.”  

 She then picked up the Holy Scriptures, and opened it to the 17th Chapter of St. John, entitled “Christ’s Prayer for His Disciples.”  She could not recall having ever read this before.  Encouraged, she began to read His prayer, asking Him to please allow her to understand, and to enter its Spirit.  As she read, it seemed the very words themselves came to Life, and she was drawn within them in a manner that cannot be described.  She saw Our Lord even as He prayed 2000 years ago, gaze directly at her soul… He let her know that He had thought of her from all eternity, and foreseen every sorrow, every temptation, every blessing, every thought she would ever have, and had obtained for her in His Prayer of that moment, all of the graces she needed to overcome them, to embrace them… She was then made to understand that not only her soul, but the soul of every person to be saved, had been prayed for in this same manner, with intense love and understanding.  That He had looked upon the Church as well, He had seen the afflictions it would suffer throughout the centuries, had looked upon those of our own day, and had obtained in His Prayer, the graces and remedies to overcome them.  It seemed then that He looked at her with immense sorrow, because so few came to Him for these graces.  He held them out to each soul, waiting to distribute them, but so few came for them! 

“Dear Lord, but I did not know this…  I have been waiting for You to set things right!  If only souls knew that You are just waiting for us!  Dear Jesus, please let all know, even as You have let me know. Show us how to retrieve these graces.”

A year passed by, and the fervor of this soul faded, she again became consumed with her work, and began to pray less and work more… She comforted herself with the thought that there was no way around it... she had tried to find others to work in her place, but they couldn’t, so what choice did she have? Besides, hers was a religious work, so that was quite enough in itself.  Our Good Lord couldn’t possibly expect her to keep up daily Mass with such a work load as hers, surely He understood.  If she missed a rosary here and there, He would understand, surely.  And so it went, as she gave her work more and more time, and her God less and less.  Suddenly, one sorrow after another began to descend upon this soul, each in greater intensity than the one preceding, until utterly exhausted she fell to her knees in despair.  All she had worked for seemed close to ruin, she felt utterly abandoned not only by her friends, but by God himself.  She stayed in this state for months, ill in body and soul… it seemed most all that she had taken pleasure in was taken from her, until finally, with nowhere else to turn, she cried to God, “Why have You forsaken me?  Am I so bad?  I live better than most people I know, I pray more than most people I know.  Why are You doing this to me?  I cannot live like a nun and be with You always… this is not my state in life.  What do you expect of me?  You pull me towards You, but I cannot come, You know this Lord.  I am a wife and a mother, I have to care for them, I have to help in the business, I must keep up the home,  I am giving You what time I can… why do You ask for more?  I am too tired to give more… Why do You pull at my heart this way?  What do you want?  I do not understand.  Have mercy on me… teach me.”

Unable any longer to find solace in her work or friends, unable to express to a priest what she herself did not understand,  she was forced to go to the Saints above, begging them to have pity on her, to befriend her, to speak up for her before the throne of God.  Tormented by constant anxieties and conflicts, she could not silence them except by taking up her rosary and praying it continually, by going to daily Mass and pleading for the strength to bear her cross.  She thought from time to time upon Our Lord in His Prayer and the graces that waited for her there, but He seemed so far away now.  Did He even hear her voice?  Was she retrieving these graces when she prayed the rosary?  Went to Mass? She did not know how else to go to Him … He seemed so distant now… she prayed to Our Lady to soften His Heart, to obtain forgiveness, to help her draw closer to Him.  Months went by in this way, and she began to be at peace as she grew in holy Trust and abandonment…  if He wished to take away her work, her friends, her home… then Glory be to God… she no longer took her pleasure in them, and so there was no fear in losing them.  She was surprised to find this fear was the cause of most of her anguish!  Her one thought now was of  her God and His friendship… more and more she became consumed with Him, and somehow it was easy to fit in time for Mass, for the Rosary… suddenly there was even time to pray morning prayers with the children before school… to stop in for a visit with Our Lord during Adoration… and rather than neglecting her other duties, it seemed there was more order there now, and though life was far from perfect, yet there was more peace in the imperfection of it, rather than constant fatigue and irritation as before.

Our Lord began once again to call to her heart, so quietly, so deeply within her soul… she was confused.  “I have given You much more these past few months Dear Jesus, as I love You more, I find more ways, more time, to express my love for You.  Aren’t you content?  I have given You my will, my heart, You are my pleasure now.  I go to Mass nearly every day, when I drive I pray the rosary instead of listening to the radio, and the family still prays another in the evening.  I watch less t.v. and read more… isn’t this enough?  I don’t sleep in as much as I used to, I try to restrain myself from dessert now and then.  Why do you still call me like this?  I am married, I cannot enter a religious order, and so what is it You want?  I am confused by Your call to come closer… how can this be done?  Show me Lord.”  

Upon the advice of a priest, she began a prayer journal.  Being a simple soul, she was unable to keep in her mind a continuous thought, she was so easily distracted, so she began to write her prayer down so she could focus.  She asked Our Lord “What do you wish of me?”  She explained to Him that she would love to be with Him as a spouse, but knew this would displease Him as it was not her calling… and so instead she did the best she could by loving Him in her husband, in her children, in her neighbor.  She asked for the unfulfilled longing she had within her heart to be a spouse, to be offered as a sacrifice upon the altar of her heart, and for this sacrifice once accepted and cleansed in the pure Heart of Mary, to be placed within the hearts of virgin souls who could act upon this calling with all of their hearts and souls. For it to be placed within the hearts of all priests and  religious who had grown weary, and to revive them.  As she prayed, she called upon all hearts that had ever loved God or would ever love God to join her, and to offer their petitions with her, and then her fervor and her love of God and men increased to the very point it seemed Our Lord Himself began to respond in turn, and He spoke to her as before.  And after each prayer which was offered in this manner, within His will, united with the Sacred and Immaculate Hearts, and all of the hearts of those who love God, it seemed He could not restrain His voice, and conversed with her very soul.  In astonishment, she asked how it was that He spoke to her in this manner?  How long had He been there listening?  And then she understood that He had always been there, but she could not hear His voice, as her heart had been too pre-occupied with her other loves.  That He speaks in this manner to every soul, but few hear Him for this reason.  It gives Him great pain and sorrow to love us as He does, and receive such little love in return.

Dear Reader, please learn the lesson that this soul learned in prayer:  The more heart you put into your prayer, the more you join with the hearts of Jesus, His Mother and Saints, the more you beg of them to assist you to pray as you should, with His will rather than your own… the less you speak and the more you allow Them to speak in your stead… to ask for those things you do not know to ask for… This is a prayer that will be heard, and answered.

What follows now is part of this conversation, and the answer to her prayer:

THE FIRST STEP IN RESTORING THE CHURCH IS RESTORING YOURSELF

Dear Soul, you pray with great sorrow over the state of your family and My Church, and the manner in which you see Me treated.  Know that the abuses you see within the Liturgy, which cause you to weep, and keep many of my children away from me, are a reflection of heart.  You cry because many of My Churches no longer inspire you with the thought of My Presence, and so often you cannot find Me within My own home, as I have been put to the side.  Again, this is but a reflection of the hearts of many of my children.  Their hearts are cold and empty of love for Me, and so it is reflected in the very architecture of My house, and the manner in which they treat me.  And so this state of heart is carried on into the family and the world, and the sorrows which afflict them are reflections of their hearts.  What is within, is reflected without.  There are many who wish to make a change for the better, but as they do not begin within, with their own heart, but rather, they go to that which is without… so no lasting change is effected.  They are applying bandages to the wound, but they are not healing its cause.

  Those hearts which love Me, and desire to see Me loved again as I should be, must start within, with their own hearts.  There are many who think they love Me, but if they were to search their heart, they would see that they love instead their own opinion, or their work, or a person… more than they love Me.  What the heart goes to without thinking… this is what it loves.  For those who have loved another, be it in the world or my own religious, let them remember their courtship, and the fondness of heart they had for their loved one at that time.  It did not matter what occupation they were in… they were thinking of their beloved.  Their first waking thought, their last thought, every spare moment, they fled to be with the one they loved.  So it is with the heart that is in love with Me.  Dear Children, study your hearts, and see where it is they turn of their own accord.  If I should come and ask you tomorrow “Sell what Thou hast, and follow Me” would you?  If I take away your home, your family, your health, your work… would you be troubled?  Then you are attached to them more than Me.  When you truly love Me, with all of your heart, and mind and soul, with all of your strength, you realize I am ever present within your soul, and that I will never leave unless you ask Me to.  So this gives great peace and joy even in the midst of great sorrow, as you possess what you love. 

If you wish to effect a change around you, then you must start within yourself.  Stop and look at yourself.  Do you point your finger at another rather than yourself?  Then you can do nothing for Me.  Those who love me realize this, and they consider themselves always the worst of men, as they know their sins and the punishment they deserve.  Do you know the heart of your neighbor?  No.  What may seem a fault to you is often a virtue to Me.  So take care of your own heart, and you will learn how to love Me and your neighbor as well.  How can you do this?

 Give Me your heart.  Place it within My Sacred Heart, and the fire of it will consume yours, until only Mine remains.  When you receive Me in Holy Communion, ask My Mother to enter your heart first, and prepare it for Me.  Ask her to look about, and to discover those imperfections hiding within that you are unaware of, and rather than concealing them when I enter, ask her to bring them to Me.  I will wash them away with My Precious Blood.  My Blood will go into the very voids and crevasses of your soul, and seal them against those things opposed to Me.  This purging of your heart will take time, and will give you great pain, as I will cut away the attachment of all that you love more than Me.  Many of my children do not understand this, and they leave Me, and return to that which they love… just as the rich young man in the Gospel.  Realize this and pray for My grace, do not rely upon your own strength, or you will fall away as he did. Rather, rejoice in your pain, as this is evidence that I am with you, much like a surgeon removing a hidden cancer so that his patient may have full health.  When you learn to love Me as you should, this pain will become sweet, and you will even hunger for Me to find more to cut away, as you will draw ever closer to Me as a result.

JESUS WAITS FOR YOU IN PRAYER AFTER HOLY COMMUNION

When you receive Me in Holy Communion, I am One with you in a special manner for a short time.  This is the best time to ask My Heavenly Father for all that your heart desires, as I am there with you, anxiously waiting to join you in prayer. “Ask for anything in My Name and it will be given to you.”  Yet so many of My children do not take advantage of Me!  Their heart is instead full of everything but Me!  They have activities to run to, others to see, to talk to!  Your priests call upon you to pray for them, for vocations, for the needs of My Church… do you?  Very few of you do, and then you mock my priests, because they fall without your prayers.  They stand at the front lines for you, taking the bullets for you, pleading with you to come to their aid, and do you assist them in the flanks?  No, you desert them in battle, and then when they fall, you come to Me at your convenience, complaining of the sorry state of things.  How can I hear your prayer?  This is the prayer of sinners that I do not hear.  You go on and on about the sins of others, but you do not see your own are the greatest.  Until My children cease casting stones, this state will continue.  There cannot be any restoration until you restore your heart to Me…   

PRAYING WITHIN THE PRAYER OF JESUS AS RELATED IN ST. JOHN 17

Understanding this, I ask you now to join Me in My Prayer for you.  But first close the eyes of your body, and open the eyes of your soul.  Ask for the Holy Spirit to open them for you.  Enter into that room where I celebrated the Holy Sacrifice for the first time.  Notice that I prayed this prayer for you after I gave My Precious Body and Blood in Holy Communion, and know this is the best time for you to join Me in it as well, as I can pray with you as One.  Kneel at my feet as did my daughter the Magdalene, and pour out the precious ointment of your prayers… the longings of your heart.  Tell Me your sorrows, tell Me that which afflicts you the most.  Reflect that I knew this day would come, that you would kneel here before me at this very moment and relate these things to Me.  Lay your head upon my breast as did My beloved Disciple… and enter into to this Prayer of My Sacred Heart.  Know that the prayer I am about to pray with you, encompassed these sorrows and others within your soul you have no knowledge of.  Join now with My heart, invite the Hearts of My Mother and all of My Holy Apostles, the Saints and the Holy Angels too, to join with us, to add their prayers to ours.  In this company, We will approach My Heavenly Father.  With Charity, pray for the souls of all of my afflicted children, and for My Church.  Implore with Me for the graces needed to overcome these afflictions.  It is better that you put aside now your will, and your desires, and join in My will.  Join silently in My Prayer for you, as quite often those things you pray for without Me, are not within the will of My Father.  Rather, in great humility, ask Me what is best for you, and for My Church, and We will pray that the will of My Father will be done on earth even as it is done in heaven.  He has already answered My Prayer, as I had foreseen these afflictions, and obtained the very graces you come to Me now for.  We are only waiting for you to join with Us, and to retrieve these graces.  The more often you come to Me this way, the more souls who join their voices with Ours, the sooner will hearts be mended, and so the family and the Church will begin to reflect this change of heart.  When I am loved by My children, it will be once again reflected within the Liturgy and throughout My Fathers House. Reflect upon all that gives you sorrow today, and see how it is due to a lack of love for Me… the immodesty of dress will cease, as women will love Me, and not wish to draw anothers soul away from Me.  When one loves another, they are immediately conscious of an offense against that loved one, and cannot wait to make amends, and so souls, once they love Me, will once again be aware of their sins, and will again come to Me through My Sacrament of Confession.  Do you see?  

Every time you pray this prayer with Me in this manner, we will have taken one step closer to this restoration.  The more often you receive Me, the more often you are joined by others, the sooner this will be.  My grace is sufficient for thee… but you must ask for it.